| i must confess. |
[09 Oct 2009|12:08am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 contemplative |
] |
On saturday I will be going to thanksgiving dinner at Kevin's house. There I will meet his whole family including his siblings and their spouses. I am excited and incredibly nervous at the same time. It's a fairly big step for us.
Also, could I move to Williams Lake with Kevin if he were to move there for work? I am pretty sure I totally want to. It's just a matter of getting away from home, and things being okay with mom.
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|
| bubbles. |
[11 Sep 2009|12:36am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 sick |
] |
I am pretty sure I messed up my sleeping for tonight by passing out after work for three and a half hours. I mean, I am tired, but I have a feeling once i get into bed I'll wake up. It's not helping that I feel and look totally gross. I have a day and a half to shape up, clear up my skin and look presentable for the weekend. It might actually be better if Kevin couldn't do anything until sunday. I need to look nicer.
Everyone is back in school now too, including Jeramie, and now I feel sad and left out.I have decided that I miss school and have to get my ass back in gear in the fall. I've done too much waiting. I think it's already been established that I am not going to save up any money for school purposes no matter how much time I take off to work. Student loans, here I come!
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| she's a whore. |
[15 Jun 2009|08:49pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
sick |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
None // East of Eden |
] |
I've gotten lazy about updating this thing. the internet apparently won't work on my computer anymore though so I've been using the laptop. It feels weird doing very personal stuff on it though.
Anyways, Luke is going to be here on wednesday and I am sick. My nose is incredibly stuffed and runny and my chest is full of phlegm and I cannot stop hacking. I think if it's not getting better in the next couple days I am going to get myself in to the doctor. This time while Luke is here I am not going to be a nervous wreck again. He seems pretty happy with me. He approved that promotion making me the assistant manager. Kevin put it best; I am more than competent in my job and I'm really too good for that job anyways. Which made me feel better and just good about myself in general.
Time to update more regularly, I think.
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| i told you to be balanced. |
[12 May 2009|01:02am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 hopeful |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Bon Iver // Blindsided |
] |
Yesterday was so nice. I got to spend most of the day with Kevin. He came by and picked me up then we did some running around town, some snuggling on his couch then he took me out to dinner at the Alpine. I wish I was not so nervous around him though, or nervous about food. I feel incredibly unattractive while eating. That and I can never finish anything so I don't want to go and order something big, especially if he's paying for it. I did apologise for being such an awful dinner date. I need to get over some stuff apparently. Then we went back to his place for a movie and fooling around and then out for a very nice walk around his neighbourhood. No sex though. After our walk we both decided neither one of us was feeling very good and he drove me home.
This morning Amy calls me at around 9:30 and asks if I can work Sunday for her. Being mostly asleep and wanting to get off the phone I say yes. I then quickly remember that Kevin's parents will be out of town this weekend and I was going to spend the night and all of Sunday with him. This is pretty big since we can't really do everything we want while they're around. Now, I'm going to be having my period this weekend, but that wouldn't really take away from how nice it'd be to spend that much time with him. Even if I can't spend Saturday night there we'd still have all day Sunday by ourselves. So now, I have to try and sort this out with Amy. Kris should be able to open and close that day. I hope.
Related to the previous topic, I should be allowed to go and spend a night at my sort of boyfriend's house. I mean, I am old enough to do everything else. I think it would be a little ridiculous of mom to say no to something like that. Especially since she let me go all the way to Texas on my own, on someone else's money to meet up with a boy she had never met. She then let me go back after having a huge panic attack and coming home in tears. I mean, that was a huge mistake. Not on her part, on mine. But still. Ugh ugh ugh!
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| i hate all these people. |
[06 May 2009|12:29am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 cheerful |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
None // Murad Acne Complex |
] |
These past couple days have been really nice. I think this was the nicest birthday I've had in a couple years. At least, it's the most that's been done for my birthday in a couple years. I had a cake with a pretty unicorn on it and I got to go shopping today and spent a ton of money. Way, way too much money. I refuse to feel bad about it though.
Also, I think Kevin is planning something for Sunday. A dinner/sex/snuggle type deal which sounds mighty fine to me. I can always go for some food followed with sex and snuggling. Always.
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| congratulations. |
[14 Apr 2009|01:12am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 tired |
] |
I am getting sick and I have only tomorrow to health up. Right now I would really love a week off, out of town, doing something fun, with a couple friends. Or just a few days with the house completely to myself. I sort of wish mom and Jeramie were going to work and stuff.
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| this is why they are so cute. |
[12 Apr 2009|12:48am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 blah |
] |
My period needs to start because I am turning into an emotional little mess. The past three days I have been ready to cry all the time.
In other news; work was crazy, it was Amy's birthday and dinner was fun, Ella chewed up one of my black satterleys, and I missed out on talking to Kevin. We haven't really had a good talk since last Saturday. Boo on being tired and sick. I'm off to bed to die and/or cry.
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| we were born to fuck each other. |
[10 Apr 2009|12:44am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
sick |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Iron & Wine // Each Coming Night |
] |
I came on here to write something since it's been awhile, but then I realised that nothing worthwhile has happened in the past few days.
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| nihilists with good imaginations. |
[05 Apr 2009|11:13pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
happy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Of Montreal // Gronlandic Edit |
] |
So, last night was amazing. I mean, things definitely were far from perfect. It would have been nice if we didn't have to tip toe around parents or stop and keep a listen for them, but other than that I cannot complain. After I got home I went to bed feeling happy and woke up the same way. It's been awhile since that has happened.
In other news, Amy called tonight to ask me to come in tomorrow and take Tuesday off since her room mates are complete assholes and she is now in the process of moving out. Turns out I was actually supposed to be in working tomorrow since I can't work the holiday on Friday. We had both forgot so it's a good thing we talked.
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| you don't own anything and you're free. |
[03 Apr 2009|01:45am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 groggy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
None tonight |
] |
Well, after spending the past two days stumbling and mumbling like a complete dumbass, I made it through Luke's visit. I probably look like a really big idiot, but oh well. He didn't seem annoyed and I think he got that I was just really nervous. That's done!
I am preparing myself for a very relaxing day tomorrow. Since I have worked late so many times this past week, came in on my day off, I only have to work for three and a half hours tomorrow. I plan on sleeping in, taking my time getting ready, and doing some major relaxing seeing as i no longer have to work until 9:00. That's great. I need an easy day. This week has been way too stressful, and I spent some long long days at work.
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| remember when? |
[31 Mar 2009|10:32pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 bouncy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Okkervil River // The Latest Toughs |
] |
Luke is going to be here tomorrow. Two whole days of being professional. Can we do it?
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| the purchase price. |
[26 Mar 2009|12:27am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 anxious |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
None // Television |
] |
I am confused.
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| towards seashores unmapped. |
[24 Mar 2009|12:24am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 frustrated |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Joanna Newsom // Only Skin |
] |
For the first time this month I am not totally looking forward to going back to work tomorrow. Normally I am very excited about getting away from everyone for the day and being out of the house. Tomorrow is filling me a tiny bit of anxiety, and I can say that I am not liking it.
I had a good couple days off, though. I got to go to the bookstore and I bought a copy of the collected poems of Allen Ginsberg as well as ordered the new Jeremy C. Shipp book and another. That made me fairly happy. Then I spent some time at the library. Not a lot though since we got there just as it was getting ready to close. I left with a book on Klimt and Andy Warhol. Next time I'll have to plan it better. Bus down early in the day and hang out. When mom comes she just ends up bored and wants to leave. I could spend so much time in there; easily a whole day.
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| the muscles beneath. |
[16 Mar 2009|10:48pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 discontent |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
None // Television |
] |
I think it's time that I stopped being so lazy. I'm not really lazy, but I seemed to have stopped doing things I enjoy in my spare time. I can't remember the last time I really made something or wrote something, or even thought of doing either of those things. I need to start enjoying my days off again. Maybe if this weather cleared up. It's snowing.
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| kiss me, judas. |
[15 Mar 2009|02:45am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 sleepy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Grizzly Bear // Shift |
] |
I have not been this happy to have days off for a while now. I mean, I am always happy, but I am in need this week. Today was crazy and pretty much every single customer pissed me off and several of them actually made me want to break out some physical violence. Also, some guy smacked me today and squeezed my arm till it was somewhat painful. Last saturday another old man decided holding onto my shoulder while talking to me would be a good idea. I am pretty sure these men need to back the fuck off and find someone else to touch.
In other news, things seem to be back to normal/great with Kevin again. Thank goodness he's so understanding. My period needs to hurry up and start because this past week I have been overly emotional. I've been ready to cry at almost everything.
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| aid in the decay. |
[14 Mar 2009|12:41am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 cold |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Regina Spektor // Hotel Song |
] |
At least things are easy to talk about with him. He always makes me feel better. I would be lying if I said I wasn't feeling dumb at all anymore, but I do feel better about things with him. Basically he's my boyfriend who isn't my boyfriend. Sure.
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|
| save us. |
[13 Mar 2009|12:20am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
confused |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
the television set |
] |
Dear Kevin,
I am confused. I am confused because I like you; I like you a lot. I think you feel the same, but I don't know. I understand that you have shit you're trying to figure out, but you don't want space, just time. I don't know what to do. When I really think about it, I almost think that maybe I should just back off and let you figure things out. Maybe I shouldn't go throwing myself at you when there's a chance I could get hurt. Would I get hurt? That's just a small part though. Every other part of me just wants to spend as much time as possible with you and who cares about the consequences. I know you wouldn't purposely hurt me; it'd be the kind of hurt that I do to myself for rushing into this sort of thing. Not that I'd call this rushing, just extreme wanting. I think I am mostly just confused seeing as we essentially seem to be a couple of some sort, just without a title. I like this, don't get me wrong, but having that little bit more wouldn't be bad. I am not complaining, I'd hate to not even have what we have now. I am just crazy about you and want to spend all my free time with you. Can't say I've felt like that before.
Love,
Sarah
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|
| those words, that way. |
[09 Mar 2009|11:04pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Shannon Murray // Bicycle |
] |
I am a silly girl who gets excited over silly things like getting to see a certain boy tomorrow. I feel like a dumbass for getting all hyped up, but apparently I cannot help it. Also, what am I going to wear tomorrow? I have no clue and it'd be nice to have it sorted before bed. I am so bored with my clothing and see nothing new on the horizon.
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|
[08 Mar 2009|12:47am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
drained |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Televised Poker // Fuck |
] |
I feel so incredibly gross right now. People in this house need to start cooking food or at least buying food that can be cooked. I'll cook the damned stuff myself if I need to. Sure, we are broke, can't afford to grocery shop, but an insane amount of money has recently been spent on take-out, bad, disgusting take-out, and real food could have been bought with this. Even a frozen lasagne or something would be better than burgers. Dear parents, this food is making me sad. Thanks.
Now, two days off ahead of me and I have plans and things to look forward to. I have dinner at the Shogun tomorrow with the girls from work and possibly Brett, I think. And on monday I hopefully have time with Kevin to look forward to.
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| just and earnest. |
[02 Mar 2009|11:49pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 content |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Joanna Newsom // Emily |
] |
I was going to come and say something here but I really don't know what it was. I can honestly say that I am incredibly happy with everything right now. Work is going well. Things with Kevin seem to be going somewhere. I am not sure where, but it looks forward. I suppose this was only a brief update.
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] |
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